Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in desiray_mf_girl's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
9:11 pm	Missing You... i finally started to feel better this evening after a bout with the flu and taking 2 days off work. i am actually praying that my Daddy is doing better too... i am getting a little worried. i've had the one offline but nothing else to let me know that He is doing better or worse. i am keeping hope alive that He is doing better. i hope that He is getting lots of rest and taking His medicines and drinking plenty of juices and fluids. Of course, being Him... does not mean that He is doing any of that. *sighs then reluctantly smiles* i really Miss You Daddy... seems Wwe were just starting to get to know each other and have our own lil routine here; then BAM ... You and i both got sick. what a coincidence and life is so quirky. Well, i am not staying up late tonight... still building my strength back up. i hope to talk to You soon Master. (((Hugs))) and soft germ-free kisses Your babygirl and ebony pet, ~*desiray*~ aka pamela Current Mood: okay (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 1st, 2006
8:08 pm	No joking... *grins* First of all... i had not heard a word from Daddy all day yesterday. Saturday started off with me out the door early to run family errands. When i came home mid-day, i checked still nothing from Daddy. i laid down for a nap around 3 pm or so... not feeling too good - my throat was kinda sore - i was thinking just allergies. i knocked out, slept till 6:30 pm... which is not like me. i woke up with a full blown sore throat and my nose feeling stuff and like i am fighting a cold here. i come to the pc and ... smiles... there was an offline from my darling Master and Daddy saying: MF: Got the flu...I'll be back on when I feel better...kisses, My desiray i was thrilled & relieved at hearing from Him and of course now concerned about His health. my poor sweet sick Baby & Master. No wonder i was sick and sleeping.... "Sympathy subbie Sick"  Oh Noooo Daddy had made me sick too - all that darn kissing and sucking and such. *giggles*  No Joking and seriously i am sending my Master and Daddy... warm, nurturing healing vibes with lots of love. Again to my Master i say: i'll be thinking of You and wishing You a speedy recovery.  Softly kisses Your forehead, Your eyes, Your lips and then Your Cock.... get well Master. Yours submissively sniffling, Master Flame's ~desiray~  babygirl pamela Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Friday, March 31st, 2006
12:59 pm	Friday without Daddy i started my morning as i always do thinking of my Daddy  and Master, i sent my Daddy a little something special... that i am sure He will erotically savor and enjoy. *blushes then smiles impishly* The day was a good one but a kind of busy day at work and then after work - i enjoyed spending family time. i decided when i came to my pc to re-open my yahoo chatroom. i sent an mass email to my yahoo group that the sleeper had awaken and that the room was open. i was some what surprised when those in the group that i had not heard from in months... started replying back and even coming into the chatroom. thus, last night i had a very pleasant night.... whispers to 1 am my time. i sent You Daddy and invite to join the Consensual Kneeling Yahoo group. *smiles softly* i did miss my Daddy all day and night; but figured He was busy with His writing, reviewing and various other projects. i am off to bed now.... sleepy and feeling... good.  Hugs and my creamy sweet kisses to You my darling Master. Good night Master. night night Daddy Your girl, ~ebony moth~ aka babygirl pamela Current Mood: good (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
10:45 pm	pensive thoughts from a submissive girl Well the old saying of: "the best laid plans of mice and men" comes to mind as i write this. i had thought to write about one thing (about being Proud of my Daddy balancing some time with me and still doing His work); then a shift in the winds and i could ... probably should.... write about me having yet another lil bout of jealousy pique with Daddy tonight. Writing about jealousy and my lack of submissive control - will only make my now heavy heart.. heavier and make me shed more silent tears. Instead i will write briefly about... the emotionality of being submissive. the glory of being submissive is finding or being found by that special One (the Master or the Mistress) - that makes a girl's heart and mind and soul simply soar to the heavens. the bane of being submissive is being emotionally exposed.... vulnerable/raw... which for almost all submissive sisters that i know ... is extremely uncomfortable. it is in the submissive's character or persona to be giving of self, to yield and to trust... almost a blind-faith trust... that in giving herself (her choice to give) ... and her submission to Master - that she will not be hurt. At least not emotionally, mentally or of the heart and soul. a spanking bruise or rope burn does not count. *smiles softly* When two start off in the D/s lifestyle even online... especially online... there is so much to learn about each Oother. there are doubts, uncertainties, questions, and if the submissive has been hurt before.. there are little nagging suspicions and lots of fretting. a previously hurt submissive is "gun shy and in conflict".... her submissive instincts are to yield, to submit, to leap and take her chance on her new Master. yet her battered heart, mind and soul... say go slow, beware, and keep your lovely brown eyes open... watch for any red flags and note where the Exit door is at all times. Or almost as bad, she will constantly expect Him/Her to leave her, to use her or to be a playa.  Now if she is smart, she knows there are no guarantees in life nor in an online D/s relationship either. she has to remind herself to keep hope alive and a positive outlook; that no matter what that she is better for having known Him even if it turns out to be short-lived. this girl does believe in the "Reason, Season, or Lifetime" creed.... wherein, some people come into your life for a special Reason... to help you thru something or learn something. Others come for a short period of time... like a whole Season and while you will never forget them... you know that they have to move on after the purpose or project is done. Finally, every now and then, some people come for a Lifetime - they will be a part of your life for it's duration. They are precious gems... placed in your life... for Yyou both to enjoy, to savor and to enhance each other. It is too soon for me to tell if my Daddy is here for me as a ... Reason, Season or Lifetime. yet i know in my heart which of those i want Him to be. Yes readers, He is that special to me - in such a short amount of time... and that scares me and disturbs me... more than my lil bouts of jealousy or being possessive. i've done poly before, so i know that i can share if that is what Daddy / Master truly wanted for Uus both. {yet i really don't want to do poly again}. Once i have a true sturdy foundation built with my Master, my Daddy (which comes with more shared time, communication and earned trust/respect mutually); then the doubts, suspicions, fretting, and jealousy will fade into non-existence. Meanwhile, i will be a good girl. i will strive for my inner submissive balance of harmony -- and love myself and my Master to the best of my ability. Inhales and Exhales slowly.... feels a little better now for penning my thoughts here. i hope it makes sense and will help someone else including my Master to understand me. the path of the submissive is not easy, it is emotional and stormy sometimes... yet worth it and for some of us... the only way to be complete. Be well, safe and happy. ((hugs)) and my sweetest kisses to my Daddy and my darling Master Flame with adoration, ~*desiray*~ aka babygirl pamela Your ebony moth, princess-slave, concubine and... pet. Current Mood: pensive (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
9:45 am	why being a cranky babygirl is NOT good i am writing this regarding my bad cranky behavior and sassy mouth to Daddy on Monday night... phrases like " cantankerous Stubborn, Big headed Man" and "big smelly feet" and "Daddy gives me the headache" ... is not nice or proper for a babygirl to be saying. *sighs in remorse* All started off so well.  Daddy and i had  just had another intensely intimate  session together.  There was so much pleasure given and received back and forth between Uus. Oour carnal mating .... the fu*king on the floor - so spontaneous and passionate. Nope, not sharing the intimate details here as they are just that... intimate. *smiles softly* Yet somewhere along the after-math of such a special joining; my mouth started running away from my logic and good sense. i asked Daddy a question about His "kinks, fetishes, turn-ons" and He replied "They will come out as they come out". Well that was not the answer this babygirl wanted ... so i umm proceeded to have a little verbal tantrum by mumbling and calling Daddy un-lady like phrases (see the above as i don't take pleasure in repeating them again). On top of all of that ugly behavior or commentary; Daddy told me to go take a shower after Oour sexual session and i told Him that i'd take a wash up. Later when i talk to Daddy i honestly told Him that i had taken a wash-up; which He said was disobedient of me. Yes, Daddy is / was disobedient... that was not right of me to do as i chose to as opposed to what You commanded me to do. A shower would have relaxed my tensed muscles, which is what & why Daddy had been telling me to take the shower, for my benefit. As if this were not all bad enough, exhales slowly here,  i also had another mini-bout of the green-eyed monster'ette. It is insane, i know.... here it is Daddy spends precious time with me, shows me in big and small ways that it is me that He has chosen and adores. yet for me the thought of another, trying to flirt, flatter or seek the attention of my Daddy, my Master and yes my Man... makes my blood heat up and makes me see green then red. Yes, Wwe have discussed Your being very elite and selective in Your choice of slave girl / babygirl. Yes, i understand that You are a magnet for the females that read Your blogs and enter Your world (just as i am an enticement to various Doms too).  Since i have many submissive sisters here online, i know this to be a common condition for many of us. it is so hard to find a really good and decent Master/Daddy and when a girl is lucky enough to have One; well she becomes possessive and jealous. i am striving to be secure in my place with my new Master/Daddy and i know that as more time goes by... i will be. Smiles as i remember You telling me reassuredly that ... i am Yours. i belong to You..... that i am worthy. Just as i now re-affirm to You, that You Master / my Daddy.. are mine. You belong to me and yes You are so worthy. Yes, i did and do again apologize sincerely to You my Daddy. i humbly offer my plea for Your forgiveness, benevolence and understanding Master. Due to my past experiences, good and bad, i am still learning,  growing and healing. i am striving to be Your good girl and to bring only harmonious exchanges to Uus. i, Thank You Master.. my Beloved Daddy, for all that You bring to me, to my life and to Uus. i shall continue to strive to make You happy, proud and pleased. May Wwe always have strong, open communications, lusty passionate exchanges, and lots of laughter... and like r/l, may the tiffs, misunderstandings and green-eyed bouts be few and far in between. i adore You Daddy; yes i submissively love You Master. (((Hugs))) and my sweetest creamy kisses - from my full lips to Yours Yours this day and into Eternity, ~*desiray*~_MF's girl babygirl pamela Dominant and submissive love... connected by One Leash & one collar. Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 26th, 2006
10:55 pm	Daddy tucked me in... It has been such a wonderful weekend.... sighs happily... as i twirl my ponytail. Daddy and i have spent a good deal of time together. Oour first (special 3rd) date on Friday night... still lingers with me. Saturday was just a quality touch here and there of Daddy ... of my sexy Master. i miss Him, as i should whenever He is not in contact (r/l must always come first, i know & accept). Today was a good day too... as Daddy and i again shared laughter and thoughts and continued to get to know each other. i felt good in completing my assigned tasks ... in writing & finishing my 3 journal entries. Daddy approved them and that makes my submissive heart soar. Now as the weekend comes to a close... i've had dinner and my bath and now with clean teeth, i prepare to go to bed. i was waiting for my Daddy and Master... wondering if He had fallen asleep in His Big Man's chair. Is that snoring i hear??! *giggles* Then suddenly here He is... my Daddy and Master was with me... me.... to tuck His babygirl in. *hugs myself here* my heart is melting ... i know that i falling for a Man with hazel eyes.. a Master... a special Daddy - too fast, too soon; but i can't help myself. i must live my life to the fullest - take a chance and as long as i am not hurting anyone... enjoy the beauty that life has presented to me. *yawns and stretches* as i simply write here...  Good night my darling Master night night Daddy **soft sweet kisses to You** Your sleepy lil one, ~desiray~ aka babygirl pamela --- turns out the lights .. except the nightlight... to go to my bed and dream of Uus --- Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
10:05 pm	Assignment: How are things different with Uus MF: It is not quite as you expected however..? desiray: no it is not Master MF: Good.. MF: That will be another journal entry I am sure MF: I will wish to learn how it is different and in what ways -------- Thus i write this entry on how things are different for this girl .... in this M/s relationship... with my Master Flame versus the previous online BDSM relationships i've experienced. In this relationship... Master....You participate and share and give of Yourself and Your time. (Most Master say and probably think they do... but actually if not for a booty call they'd rarely be available at all). You don't give lip service of telling a girl that You will do something... yet it is never done. You give me tasks and assignments that You then turn around and participate in too.  i can tell that You put thought into what You would have me do... not busy work or tasks for the sake of tasks to flex Your Dominance. You respect my real life job, family and obligations and i sincerely appreciate that consideration. You did not perv me... during Oour first exchanges... no asl or pic Now request or webcam either. Many Master's say that they really "accept a girl for who she is on the inside" but often that is not proven true; it is the outside tits and a** that they really want a pic of and/or piece of.  With You Master, i feel that You actually are interested in my mind, my brain and yes... my ebony tits and bubbly booty. *wegs* You truly exhibit... patience and calmness; You go "S-L-O-W" like no Master i have ever had nor heard of. One of the many best differences is.. You say funny sexy things to me like: "what's on Daddy's plate? Succulent breast of babygirl with a side of creamy pu**y?" *giggles* Note... this is an ongoing study.. as i am sure in time... more differences will cum to light. submitted submissively, ~*~desiray~*~_Master Flame's pet :::*One Leash and one collar join Uus together and make Uus... One*:::: Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
7:14 pm	Oour 3rd Date - a Joining i write this entry at the command/request of my darling Master Flame. This actually is the first entry of this Journal that i will submissively with pleasure write for Master. i am to write about my thoughts and feelings and desires regarding last nights (3/24/06) experience between Master and i. For all intents and purposes.. it was a tentatively scheduled online 3rd date where both parties eagerly anticipated Oour first intimate exchange. *smiles happily* It started off with the ritual greetings that Master is training me to do. Master makes a girl feel so comfortable... He takes His time... adds humor and caring. a girl slips right into the warmth of Him and feels so loved and cherished. Time seems to both fly and stand still when i am with Him. i laugh so hard in r/l at the funny things that Master says to me. i giggle like a babygirl when Daddy is being so silly. oh how i *sigh contently* when He caresses my cheek or touches my hair.  Last night i was nervous as i wanted to truly seduce my Master and give Him such pleasure. i wanted to be the siren and concubine of His fantasies. i was worried about messing up the application of His gorgeous leather Cock Ring as it has several leather straps with snaps that need to be placed just so. Yet all my worries were for naught; Master like the wonderful Maestro that He is orchestrated the perfect symphony ... by patiently and sensually leading me to do... to care for His cock ring with love and adoration.... then to caress Him, kiss Him, touch Him as i proceeded. i felt... intensely connected to Master... each word to me; each command... all of His instructions to me - caused me to quiver in passion. yes i was highly aroused mentally causing an full body sexual reaction. i'm not sure of all the official terms for it... tantric, a form of kinetic energy transfer or out of body experiences... all i know is that i was deeply in heat... aroused and from the hardened nipples to the throbbing pu**y... i felt as if Master was using my body in r/t. Such an exquisite experience... all of it, yes even the 3 orgasms.  Master seemed to also share what was being exchanged heatedly between Uus. i felt His rising passions and could see the movement of His hips, hands... even the release of His seed as it spewed forth. *Deliciously onto His thighs* Master's aftercare was soothing and so sensual. He held me and caressed me and made me feel safe.  The imp in me, during the clean up process, thought to do presto magic and conjure up a basin of warm water and warm towels. It was not the conjuring that caused Master to flex and command my obedience... it was the fact that Master had instructed me to lick His coated thighs and i had bratty-like chosen to not comply. Instantly i felt the firm strength of Him as He sternly directed me to do as He commanded. i immediately did so. yet i was taken aback at first... the Masterly Lion had roared and i felt the Dominance and the tug of the Leash and was ... rendered into a state of complete submission. <--- i LOVED it  *smiles* i savor every minute of Oour time spent together last night on what was and will be a memorable date of complete satisfaction... on both Oour parts... i believe. Don't You agree, my darling Master? my desires: ~ i desire to continue to get to know my Master. i mean really get to know Him.... His favorite foods, His health conditions, His eye color, His worries and concerns... His past and present... and ALL His kinky, erotic fantasies. You have so many of them i suspect Master. ~ i desire to try to slow down and not rush things (Master is so good at slowing me down, which i am thankful for even though every now and then i still rush head first into wanting to give and share EVERYTHING *grins*).  ~ i desire to make Him happy, to make Him laugh, to make Him pleased, to make Him crave me and to make Him feel my submissive love. yes i have a submissive love growing hot, wild and free for Him that i can feel blossoming within me. ~ i desire to be such a devoted, obedient, loving princess-slave, carnally nasty hot sexy concubine, impishly wicked babygirl... and true slave to Him; that He will not want for any other.. only me. only *desiray* and only babygirl pamela. ... and so it shall be. submitted submissively, ~*~desiray~*~_Master Flame's girl the ebony moth within the Master Flame of Him :::*One Leash and one collar join Uus together and make Uus... One*::: Current Mood: giddy (Comment on this)