![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92){kind=small}
pensive Well the old saying of: "the best laid plans of mice and men" comes to mind as i write this. i had thought to write about one thing (about being Proud of my Daddy balancing some time with me and still doing His work); then a shift in the winds and i could ... probably should.... write about me having yet another lil bout of jealousy pique with Daddy tonight. Writing about jealousy and my lack of submissive control - will only make my now heavy heart.. heavier and make me shed more silent tears.
Instead i will write briefly about... the emotionality of being submissive. the glory of being submissive is finding or being found by that special One (the Master or the Mistress) - that makes a girl's heart and mind and soul simply soar to the heavens. the bane of being submissive is being emotionally exposed.... vulnerable/raw... which for almost all submissive sisters that i know ... is extremely uncomfortable. it is in the submissive's character or persona to be giving of self, to yield and to trust... almost a blind-faith trust... that in giving herself (her choice to give) ... and her submission to Master - that she will not be hurt. At least not emotionally, mentally or of the heart and soul. a spanking bruise or rope burn does not count. *smiles softly*
When two start off in the D/s lifestyle even online... especially online... there is so much to learn about each Oother. there are doubts, uncertainties, questions, and if the submissive has been hurt before.. there are little nagging suspicions and lots of fretting. a previously hurt submissive is "gun shy and in conflict".... her submissive instincts are to yield, to submit, to leap and take her chance on her new Master. yet her battered heart, mind and soul... say go slow, beware, and keep your lovely brown eyes open... watch for any red flags and note where the Exit door is at all times. Or almost as bad, she will constantly expect Him/Her to leave her, to use her or to be a playa.
Now if she is smart, she knows there are no guarantees in life nor in an online D/s relationship either. she has to remind herself to keep hope alive and a positive outlook; that no matter what that she is better for having known Him even if it turns out to be short-lived. this girl does believe in the "Reason, Season, or Lifetime" creed.... wherein, some people come into your life for a special Reason... to help you thru something or learn something. Others come for a short period of time... like a whole Season and while you will never forget them... you know that they have to move on after the purpose or project is done. Finally, every now and then, some people come for a Lifetime - they will be a part of your life for it's duration. They are precious gems... placed in your life... for Yyou both to enjoy, to savor and to enhance each other.
It is too soon for me to tell if my Daddy is here for me as a ... Reason, Season or Lifetime. yet i know in my heart which of those i want Him to be. Yes readers, He is that special to me - in such a short amount of time... and that scares me and disturbs me... more than my lil bouts of jealousy or being possessive. i've done poly before, so i know that i can share if that is what Daddy / Master truly wanted for Uus both. {yet i really don't want to do poly again}.
Once i have a true sturdy foundation built with my Master, my Daddy (which comes with more shared time, communication and earned trust/respect mutually); then the doubts, suspicions, fretting, and jealousy will fade into non-existence. Meanwhile, i will be a good girl. i will strive for my inner submissive balance of harmony -- and love myself and my Master to the best of my ability.
Inhales and Exhales slowly.... feels a little better now for penning my thoughts here. i hope it makes sense and will help someone else including my Master to understand me. the path of the submissive is not easy, it is emotional and stormy sometimes... yet worth it and for some of us... the only way to be complete.
Be well, safe and happy.
((hugs)) and my sweetest kisses to my Daddy and my darling Master Flame
with adoration,
~*desiray*~ aka babygirl pamela
Your ebony moth, princess-slave, concubine and... pet.
March 30 2006, 05:54:17 UTC 6 years ago
re: difficult
I know this was difficult for you, My pet, and yet, as you said, it also helped you feel a bit better. Yes, I know full well that the path is arduous and fraught with uncertainty, sometimes when you wish to run very fast, there are ocassions when you stumble. I admit fully I take issue with jealousy. It has been and I believe continues to be a very destructive emotion. The problem is that jealousy "projects" -- it often presumes when there is nothing to presume, it suspects when there is nothing to suspect, it injures when no injury has been felt nor caused. That is its destructive power. To cloud judgement, to automatically kick in defense mechanisms, and so forth. I understand the vulnerability and fear of submissives and yet -- only time and behavior tend to assuage the fear, if ever, and the vulnerability is part of the "package."What I can say is -- ask if you have question or doubt, but do not presuppose an unjurious answer, do not project others' behavior unto Me, keep our honesty and direct communication in place...and our passion.
Master-Flame
March 30 2006, 18:31:19 UTC 6 years ago
Re: difficult
yes Master i will ask and i will sincerely keep our honesty and direct communication in place. Thank You for Your understanding and Your patience with me.Thank You for replying back to my journal entry; i appreciate knowing Your thoughts.
Let Oour passion continue to enflame Uus both.
Hugs and my sweet kisses.
~*desiray*~ {MFs}